I Really Need a Documented Process

You can't have any stuffed animals because Mila has them all. Every stuffed animal in the while wide world is stuffed into her tiny little toddler bed. I don't know how they all fit there; I just know that they do.

IN A VERY PARTICULAR ORDER, YOU KNOW.

We're several weeks into this thing where Mila says she wants to sleep in her own bed but hahaha jk lol no she doesn't. She wants to start there and then wakes up screaming if she realizes I'm no longer sitting in the chair in her room. She has yet to make through an entire night in her own bed, which is great since she only sleeps when she has all of the stuffed animals in the whole world with her.

I want you to picture how that works when she decides she's moving down the hall at 2:00 am. It's every bit as awful as you think it is. There is waking up and screaming, and then there is a fight while I tell her to pick one to take with her but she somehow manages to shove 3489137419 stuffed animals down her pants and up her shirt and what's that in your mouth, Mila? A giant stuffed llama? Of course. I should have known.

Honestly, I could probably deal with the fact that I have to move an entire congregation of stuffed things every night, but then they have to go back to Mila's room and get tucked back into her toddler bed.

Every one of them.

In a very specific sequence.

The llama, Raggedy Ann, and E.T. are allowed on the pillow, but everybody else better back off. The Minion has to be at the foot of the bed, but don't let the bear touch the Minion because that would be awful. Don't ask me how I know all of these rules because frankly they change. The rules are brand new and wildly different every day. You're supposed to just know them. Why don't you know the rules?

ANYWAY.

There's a reason some species eat their young. I might be close to figuring it out.

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Three Things

I am slowly figuring out how to pry details about her day out of Mila. She's quick with the, "Nothing," and "I don't know," regardless of the question I ask, so it takes skill to get real answers. Fortunately, I have those skills. Asking questions is sort of my thing, you might say. I prefer when I don't have to lead the witness, but whatever. I'll take what I can get.

"Mila, what are three things you learned at school today?" I asked.

"Ummmmmm ... " It's hard to say "Nothing" when asked that specific of a question, by the way. We can call that a Pro Tip.

"Just three things ... any three things," I encouraged.

"I learned about the library," she replied. And that, kids, is what we call "progress." I couldn't get that much out of her last week.

"Two is that I learned (boy in her class) wears Superman underwears," she continued. I ... well ... I have no comment on that. Sometimes it's best not to ask for more information, y'know? I'm just going to pretend that he volunteered that information for no particular reason and that's that.

"Three is the bad thing. I learned you have to be nice in kindergarten. Like, you have to take turns and share and stuff. It's not fun."

THE BAD THING. She gained intel about a boy's underwear situation and yet thought being nice was the bad thing?

Hold on, kids, kindergarten is going to be a ride.

Easy Vegetable Paella

In an attempt to disprove the rumor that I only cook things that cause people to gain fifteen pounds just by looking at them, I thought it might be a good time to post the recipe for vegetable paella. It's something that I learned to make while I lived in Spain in high school. Alexis loves it more than just about anything else I conjure up for dinner, so hopefully someday I'll be able to sit on the couch, snap my fingers, and have her cook it while I pick my nose or something.

I should mention that I learned to make this from my Spanish host mother, Pepita. I've probably completely screwed up her recipe by now (I lost the book where she wrote her recipe down for me), but I know for a fact that the way she made it was this simple. I don't really know why all of the recipes I've seen online are complicated. Simple is good, y'know? Especially for those of us who are a bit simple-minded. Ahem.

Side note: It probably pained Pepita greatly to not put seafood in this. She was pretty awesome about the whole vegetarian thing, but living on the Mediterranean Coast and not eating seafood was probably a sin in her eyes. But, the shrimp still had their eyes and all of their other bits and pieces when they were in dishes, so there was NO WAY I was eating them.

Also, the notion that you need a special pan for paella? Pfffffft.

Vegetable Paella

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 red pepper, diced
1 onion, sliced
1 cup arborio rice
1 can vegetable broth
1 cup water
1/2 teaspoon paprika
6-8 threads saffron (Walmart generally sucks, but they sell it for about $5 less than Giant Eagle. The Strip District is an even better place to find it, if you can.)
1 can quartered artichoke hearts, drained
1 cup frozen mixed vegetables

1. Heat the oil pver medium heat in a large skillet.

2. Add the red pepper and sauté until softened.

3. Add the onion. Saute until clear.

4. Add the rice and continue to sauté until it begins to look almost clear.

5. Add the broth, water, paprika, and (crushed) saffron. Simmer on medium-low heat until the liquid reduces and you start to be able to see the rice. NO STIRRING, btw. It's against the law in at least 15 countries to so much as touch the paella as it is cooking.

6. Toss the artichoke hearts and mixed vegetables on top. There's no need to thaw the vegetables first as the steam from the rice/broth will take care of business in no time. Oh, and NO STIRRING. I mean it.

7. It's done when the liquid is gone. You can test a few grains of rice if you want, but NO STIRRING. Ahem. If the rice is still a little crunchy when you test it, you can add a bit more water and let it simmer a little longer.

All told, it takes about 20-25 minutes for paella to cook. Since you aren't allowed to stir, it's really only about 10 minutes of hands on cooking time.

8. Tah-dah! You're allowed to stir it up a little when you serve it.