Easily Amused

I don't know why exactly, but I can bribe my girls into ANYTHING by offering them a trip downtown. They will clean their rooms, put their clothes away, and basically do all of my bidding for hours on end. I just have to drive into Pittsburgh and let them out of the car. There doesn't have to be any big event or anything; they just want to exist amongst the tall buildings.

Add an event, and we're REALLY golden.

Thus, I used the Arts Festival against them all last week. Day after day was filled with productive positivity as they did whatever I asked because I told them I would let them walk around Pittsburgh for a while. It was SO fun. For me. And they survived the torture that was cleaning up after themselves for days on end.

When it came time to reward them for their efforts, we made our way downtown. Mila decided along the way that there would be milkshakes involved, which is playing dirty, frankly. I am in a Milkshake Club, after all. Of course I want milkshake, but not when there's funnel cake to be found. That whole thing ended badly for Mila because I'm mean and selfish (FUNNEL CAKE, Y'ALL), but she forgot all about it once she was people watching and looking for dogs and checking out all of the cool things at the Arts Festival. (I should probably apologize to all the people who are now suffering from hearing loss because of the "LOOOOK! DOOOGGY!" screeching that kept happening. Sorry!)

Alexis is old enough to geniunely appreciate the art, so she had fun as well. And then the girls complained they were hot ...

There's exactly one way to fix that. And HOOBOY did they fix it.

They were both really very happy to be dripping wet and declared it to be the Best. Day. Ever.

Which, let's sum that up. I drove to do a thing I wanted to do. I let them walk around for a few minutes, eat the food I wanted to eat, and then dumped water on them. AND THEY LIKED IT.

If only pleasing kids were always so easy.

Let's Hope

You guys, it’s been a week and I think maybe I have dodged the parental equivalent of hell. Mila attended a birthday party for one of her friends a few months ago. Said party was ALL THAT, of course, and ever since Mila has been convinced that she was going to have a birthday party.

Which, NOPE.

I mean, I’m not opposed to celebrating my kids’ birthdays, but can we wait to include half the kids in our time zone? Do we have to do it at age 4? I decided I was going with NOT A CHANCE, but Mila was undeterred.

She mentioned that she should have a Cars cake for said party about 139857139874 times. Her friend had a Cars cake, so it wasn’t hard to figure out where the idea originated. There would also be Cars streamers and balloons and let's just go all in on Cars, please.

Mila also mentioned all of the presents she would open. There was a present opening portion of the party when there was Cars cake, so again, this wasn’t an original idea. I understood the allure of it, of course. Who wouldn’t want a giant pile of fun wrapped things? There would be Hatchimals and babies and all of the fun things.

Or, you know, an outfit, a kite, and some lights for the fairy gardens. That might have been as far as I was willing to go with the presents. I certainly wasn’t going to invite a bunch of friends over to our house just so I could expand the gift count.

Just typing those words made me cringe. Can you imagine a house full of 3 and 4-year olds? That’s a nightmare dipped in horror right there. One of them is enough to make me beg for mercy as I fall over from exhaustion. A bunch of them would be the sort of thing that would cause me to go running like Forrest Gump, except I would never return.

It’s been a week since her birthday. It has been three whole days since Mila last mentioned that we should have a party. I might be in the clear. Maybe. FINGERS CROSSED, YOU GUYS.

The End of Sixth Grade Marks the Start of the Milkshake Club

While this one was over there engaging in these shenanigans ...

This one was over here with this nonsense ...

All together now ... WHAT. THE. HELL.

Just like that, the original Burgh Baby done gone and grew up enough to be a seventh grader. Wait, did I already say WHAT THE HELL because that's about all I've got right now.

I mean, COME ON.

Yes, that's the exact same outfit. The kid is officially old enough to not only humor me, but to find the fun in humoring me. Mostly the fun is in THOSE ARE NOT CAPRIS. SAME PANTS.

Alexis, the child who was just born a few minutes ago, is now 5' 3" tall. Thank goodness I'm a relatively tall human or she'd be the same height as me. Which, I'm beginning to think she may not make it to my 5' 8". I was a little over 5' 7" by the time I started seventh grade, and mostly done growing. 5' 7" also happens to be the height the predictors all gave for her when she was a newborn. WE SHALL SEE.

The best way to describe the kind of human Alexis is right now is to tell a little story about a Memorial Day parade. She marched in the parade for cheer, which whatever, but there were other people in the parade including a "Mom's Club." Like, for real, there was a group of moms who have formed a club and they had a banner and marched in the parade. I'm amazed by this fact, so of course I took a photo. Alexis came across the photo, read the banner, and looked at me, confused.

"What exactly does a 'Mom Club' do?" she asked.

"They get together and mom really hard, I guess," I replied.

Alexis pondered the idea and then sternly said, "Please don't ever do that."

NO WORRIES, KID. The look of horror on Alexis' face made me want to taunt her a bit, though, so I suggested that me and my friends had decided to start a Milkshake Club. We're going to get a banner made and go to all of the parades so that we can march, hold our banner, and drink milkshakes. We're going to have weekly meetings too, because milkshakes. This whole thing is a good plan.

I thought Alexis would be horrified by my Milkshake Club, but I was wrong. She pondered the idea for a minute then said, "You guys would be really good at that. I support you."

And THAT is exactly who Alexis is at the moment. She's the kid who supports your crazy, but is willing to give you a look when you go toooooooo far with that crazy.