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Tuesday
Dec272011

Happy Endings for Everyone

Barbies are A Thing around here, which is to say I find naked Barbie dolls doing weird things essentially every day. But you knew that because I've already mentioned the Wedding Adventure, the time Mermaid Barbie infringed on Pocahontas' territory, and what happens to boys around these parts. Just know that I could absolutely post daily about the shenanigans that happen around here with Barbie. EASILY.

While the various misadventures of Barbie are a bit . . . uh . . . disturbing, they are also par for the course when you live with a little girl. So, I don't pay much attention to it all.

But when I was asked for ideas for a gift for Alexis for one of our Christmas exchanges, I knew that staying in the Barbie family would be a very safe idea. She was sure to love the gift and it would be easy for the buyer to stay within the budget guidelines.

In what I thought was a stroke of genius, I suggested that a little testosterone might be good. There actually weren't any true Ken dolls in this house at the time. Instead, there were a few Disney princes who had long ago lost their clothes and their dignity. There was no risk of buying something Alexis already had, and I was really ready to break up the constant stream of naked girls piled on top of each.

I'm not kidding. That's a thing around here.

See? That awkward mess could possibly benefit from a little testosterone of the plastic oddly-jointed variety.

There was, of course, just one problem. I hadn't actually looked at any Ken dolls lately.

Ummm . . . what happened to Ken?

Even Adam Lambert would be all, "Dude, lay off the manliner."

". . . And the hair products."

I wasn't a Barbie girl when I was Alexis' age, but I'm pretty sure Ken wasn't so heavy into the makeup and hair products back then. Actually, I'm certain of it. Somewhere along the line, Ken seems to have lost a bit of his . . . edge.

And bought himself a pair of manpris.

I suddenly understand EXACTLY why Barbie and Ken broke up.

It's a good thing Alexis got two Ken dolls for Christmas, now isn't it?

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Reader Comments (10)

Yes it is a VERY good thing that you have two Ken dolls.

Speaking of how weird they've gotten have you seen the Patrick Dempsey doll that Disney puts out (for his character from "Enchanted" http://www.amazon.com/Mattel-L5001-Disney-Robert-Mckenzie/dp/B000PD69QG)

And I doth think Ken protests too much with this incarnation of himself: http://www.amazon.com/Barbie-Shaving-Fun-Ken-Doll/dp/B0042ESFQQ

I mean really? He REALLY has to shave THAT badly?

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKassandra

if i have nightmares about barbie and ken dolls, there will be hell to pay...

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhello haha narf

He really looks like Ken in the Toy Story movie! -Sarah-

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I am seriously dumbfounded by the new Ken dolls. I guess he's now metrosexual? Soon I think he might have better makeup than Barbie.

December 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLindsay

So, so, SO more perfect with that title. ;-)

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkatie in ma

So I don't get it- should the barbies still be confined to 1950s puffy dresses and heels? It's really offensive that you rail on Ken for keeping up with the times. If you want a pipe-smoking, suit and hat wearing breadwinner then you'll have to put up with their attitudes just as, evidently, you expect modern men to put up with the the rather retro attitudes here.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranactualmale

Wow. I think it's okay that they have a Ken doll with manliner but do they also have one with a six pack, khakis, no make-up, green eyes and a sexy grin? As long as they have one for all tastes it's all good. ;)

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLeanne

Sheesh dude. Get a life. It's just a funny post. I never had ken dolls as a kid. We had to do a little transgendering to get a boyfriend for Barbie. Incidentally, we've had a few unfavorable positions in our house too!

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSewCanDo

When we were her age, ken didn't have real hair. He had sculpted rubber hair. And no manliner. (And the uptight commenter needs to make a resolution to get a sense of humor this year.)

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle Smiles

@anactualmale--Actually, yes, I would like it if all Barbies were still "confined" to puffy dresses and the like. The fact that most currently barely wear any clothing, and frequently have only a spray-painted layer of glitter as a "shirt" is ridiculous. Why is it so hard for Mattel to make a Barbie that wears jeans and a t-shirt or a business casual outfit, like the vast majority of American women do? I would prefer the 1950s ideals to the porn star antics that are prevalent in Mattels offerings.

But then again, Mattel has never really made any sort of attempt at making Barbies that reflect society. It's incredibly hard to find a Barbie that is anything other than Caucasian. If she's a "professional," she has to wear a short skirt. She wears high heels even to go horseback riding.

Now apparently Ken isn't allowed to leave the makeup and hair gel at home either. I guess it's only fair that the male dolls should have to spend as much time preening as the female dolls do. Gender equality, n'at.

January 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterburghbaby
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