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He Sees You When You're Sleeping

I realize that most everyone has moved on from Christmas by now, but I'm over here still admiring Christmas trees and enjoying the fact that Mila is willing to fight to keep them up. The apple doesn't fall far from the ... Christmas tree, I guess. I'll keep on lighting the darkness that is January for as long as I can, and I'll do it with multi-colored lights and Christmas spirit, I guess.

Since I'm still embracing sparkly things, I feel like I can go ahead and tell a story that's two weeks old. Back on Christmas Eve, we took Mila to see Santa. Which, a few things matter in this conversation.

1. I would have taken her sooner, but I didn't have both girls with me anywhere that had a Santa for the month leading up to the holiday. I would have one or the other, but both is some tricky business.

2. Mila, it seems, is only unafraid of all things when Alexis is also there. It's a weird dynamic, but all of Mila's courage appears to come from Alexis. Thus, Mila didn't want to hang out with the guy in the red suit unless she had a big sister to hold her hand.

2. Alexis wanted no part of any of these shenanigans. It cost me $20 to bribe her into being her sister's courage.

3. Once Christmas Eve rolls around, you have to be a little less picky about where you find your Santa.

4. I knew what I was getting. We stopped at this same Santa place (in Plainfield, IN) a few years ago and that year also resulted in ... whatever word best describes this. I mean, I would have thought that things might have improved, but the fact that there was no line either time was probably a hint.


WHY IS SANTA SO MISERABLE? I sold it to Mila as, "He must be really worried about all the work he has to do tonight," or at least I tried to because she was quick with the, "That's a Santa helper. The real Santa is with his girlfriend right now."

Don't ask for more details about that girlfriend situation. You will end up with your positive thoughts about the big guy being RUINED. Trust me.


He was miserable the last time we saw him (2 years ago, I think, but I can't find the photo), and he was even more miserable now. In another photo, he was giving Mila the side eye that very clearly said, "I see you when you sleep ... because I'm going to smother you to death with a pillow." THIS WAS HIS MOST PLEASANT FACIAL EXPRESSION.

And his "Helper" was also miserable. And impatient.

And it would have been super funny if only I weren't thinking that we're going to get a short window of magic with Mila. She's just too critical of the whole story. She's going to rewrite it REAL quick.

I certainly hope Santa had a break shortly after we left. He very clearly needed to poop, probably right after he murdered someone.

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Reader Comments (1)

Oh wow. I laughed out loud when I got to at that photo.

January 8, 2019 | Unregistered Commenterheebie-geebie
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