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I Used to Be Cool


It started with me giving the side-eye to a video. I don't know how I came across it, but I went from vaguely amused to hate-watching in about 10 seconds. It was a video filled with hacks for making Barbie clothes, which ... IS DUMB. THERE. I SAID IT.

Look, if you have time to stare at a balloon long enough to figure out how to turn it into a two-piece swimsuit for a Barbie doll, I have a very long list of things you can do to be helpful to humanity. My list of about 23502392175 things will provide FAR more value. Because seriously. A BALLOON DOES NOT NEED TO BE TURNED INTO A TWO-PIECE SWIMSUIT FOR A DOLL. Nor does a rubber glove need to be turned into a dress. And if you're thinking of making Barbie shoes out of hot glue? STOP. I just threw away about 100 Barbie shoes. I'll pull them back out of the trash bag. Even digging in the trash is a better use of my time than making a bunch of Barbie clothes out of crap.

Needless to say, I'm not linking to the video. If you're all that interested in spending your hours doing dumb things, holler. I will send you that list of solid things you can do to make the world a better place instead.

So, I was watching this video out of pure hatred for it. I was mocking every stupid idea in my head and laughing at the absurdity of it all BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY.


Mila can't stand to let anyone stare at moving things on an electronic screen without her. If there's a snail four miles away watching a video on an iPhone, MILA KNOWS. She will show up and shove her nose in there. So basically she pulled up a chair and started watching the video.

You guys.


Paper towels. A cut up plastic bag. I lost 20 minutes of my life to a bossy little person telling me exactly how I too could make "beautiful" Barbie clothes.


I'm not kidding. "Beautiful" was Mila's word for this whole thing.


So, you know, when Mila had the idea that Barbie should go swimming in her fancy new paper towel outfit, I didn't tell her. That's what she gets for somehow convincing me to waste 20 minutes of my life.

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