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Wednesday
Mar212018

Pants on Fire

I am going to need all of the children to figure out that I *know* when they're lying.

First, the Big Kid. She is a terrible, no-good liar and she should know by now that I always know when she's saying something that isn't exactly the truth. She has a million tells, none of which I'm going to document because she doesn't need to know how I know, but I DON'T NEED HER TELLS. I mean, "Did you let the dogs out today?" is real easy to confirm when there's six inches of snow on the ground. THERE ARE NO PAW PRINTS, KID. STOP LYING.

::eyeroll::

The Tiny Human, though. The Tiny Human has no tells because she is an expert liar. If she would choose what she's lying about a little more wisely, I probably wouldn't know what is going on. But, maybe lie about things I don't KNOW FOR A FACT?

Picture the scene: a birthday party. A bunch of preschoolers sat around a television watching a movie. A mom asked the group of friends, "Do you sleep in your bed?" because she, the mother of the birthday girl, has not slept alone in months.

And then Mila replied, "Yes! I have a Mickey Mouse bed! I sleep there every night!"

Let's spot the lie, shall we?

Mickey Mouse. Yes, I can confirm that her little white toddler bed is currently dressed with a Mickey Mouse comforter. That part checks out.

Yes. Every night. LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE.

Mila has never once, not even ONCE! slept in her toddler bed. She was crap at sleeping in her crib, so I graduated her to a toddler bed thinking that would get her attention. It did, but not enough for her to decide to sleep there. Thus, it has been MONTHS and she has not once slept in that bed. Not even for a second. I think maybe she's allergic to it, or even just the idea of it.

Choose wiser, girls. If you're going to lie, at least make it be about something I won't take the witness stand about.

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Reader Comments (1)

Be careful what you wish for... You still have Tiny Human:The Teenage Years

March 22, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMary
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