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We're Lucky We Weren't Kicked Out

Somewhere buried deep in my weekend filled with sparkles and twirls, there was a lunch at Red Robin with a dance team. Now, personally I'm a fan of Red Robin because anywhere that has french fries is okay by me. I am, after all, the person who managed to eat french fries in 8 countries last year. It's my brand, so to speak.

I don't like Red Robin with Mila, though. That child is generally not fun to eat out with, especially when she wants to hang out with her sister and her friends but can't. Mila really SUPER loves big kids, so it's a form of torture for a group of them to sit at a separate table on the other side of a restaurant. She wants to be there. She wants to be the center of attention. That's her brand, so to speak.

When Mila wants to be the center of attention but isn't, she executes a plan. It's ... something. While Alexis has always had a tendency to turn quiet and observe grown-ups at every chance she gets (she loves to overhear grown-up gossip), Mila is all, FINE. EVERYTHING IS FINE. I'LL JUST BURN IT ALL DOWN.

In her quest to become the center of the universe, Mila managed to:

- Shove a french fry up her nose.

- Drink an entire milkshake in one big swig.

- Mix ketchup into her macaroni-n-cheese.

- Steal the pickle off of my veggie burger and mix it into her macaroni-n-cheese.

- Push all of the buttons on every single thing she could find.

- Empty my purse. Twice.

- Put the empty milkshake glass in my purse. Upside-down.

- Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. HOW MANY HANDS DO LITTLE KIDS HAVE?

- Lick my face. Three times. As in, she leaned over, started giggling, and then licked my face like it was a lollipop or something.

And THAT, my friends, is how you make ten minutes feel more like ten hours.

You don't even want to know how she filled the other half hour we spent sitting there. Or maybe I don't want to remember it. That's very possible.

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Reader Comments (1)

This made me laugh out loud at my desk.

April 11, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMechelle
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