Duh, Alexis

I don't know about y'all, but we're still over here making slime. I would have thought that we'd be done with it by now, but it's just as well since there are about 7 gallons of glue under my sink. Alexis has mastered the art of combining glue, contact solution, cornstarch, and glitter just so. Sometimes she takes Mila along for the ride.

Mila SUPER likes going along for the slime ride. She will poke and pour and glitter? BRING ON THE GLITTER. The two of them often end up chasing me around the kitchen with glitter-covered hands because they know that nothing says "Professional Office Lady" like glitter all over your face. Their mission is to slather some glitter on my face and hope it stays there for weeks.

It has worked more times than I can count.

The most recent time it was Slime o'Clock, Mila ended up with a lovely purple slime filled with about 14 pounds of glitter. She was pleased with herself. Muchly. She wanted to play and play and play with the slime. It was fine and dandy until she tried to leave the kitchen with it and then OH, HELL NO. The carpeted areas of our house are a strict No Slime Zone. It's an essential rule. It's a fair rule. It is a non-negotiable rule.

We all know what Mila does when she finds a rule. After spending half an hour trying to sneak the slime into the family room, she finally gave in and went back to the kitchen. She then proceeded to ask her sister some questions.

"Alexis, can you wake me up tomorrow?"

"Sure," Alexis replied.

"Make sure you wake me up early," Mila continued.

"Why am I waking you up early?" Alexis asked.

"You just have to wake me up before Mom gets up," Mila stated. She said it very matter-of-fact, as if it should have been assumed but DUH, ALEXIS.

"Just wake me up so I can play with slime on the carpet," Mila finished.

It's a really good thing I overheard this conversation. The damage Mila would have done if I hadn't busted her? OOF.

They Had To Start Fighting Eventually

So now that Mila has figured out that her sister is basically a grandma, Mila is all in on tormenting her. It's become a hobby, of sorts. Mila just plain loves to make her sister mad. In the past week, that has been accomplished by:

- Swearing. Mila discovered that Alexis cannot handle the words, "What the hell?" strung together so she's saying them. A lot. But never when I'm around because apparently making me twitch isn't as fun as making Alexis twitch.

- Touching things in Alexis' room. You know that person who will notice if you move their keyboard one inch to the left? Alexis is going to be one of those people. She's currently entwined in a sloppy tween phase, but she knows exactly where all of her mess is supposed to be. And Mila has been moving it. A stuffed animal on a different shelf, a book on the floor, clothes on the chair ... little things. Alexis is going to lose her fool mind if it continues much longer.

- Whining. Alexis made the mistake of lecturing Mila about how whining is the one thing that will make me crazy. It's true. I lose all patience instantly when someone whines. But, I'm smart enough to not let Mila see my reaction. Alexis can't help herself, so now Mila is whining extra just because Alexis will yell, "STOP! You're going to make mom grumpy!"

(It's totally true.)

- Absolutely refusing to wear whatever clothes Alexis suggests. Mila has a fancy new Harry Potter shirt, but she won't wear it because Alexis wants her to. That goes for about 10 dresses as well. Mila is digging deep in her closet just to avoid wearing anything that Alexis would pick.

- Trashing the car. More than usual. Mila is always bad about leaving piles of Goldfish crackers everywhere (she sweats them, I think), but now she has figured out that Alexis cares if the car is clean-ish so she's purposely throwing food around the back seat. Which, THAT is a delightful hobby.

- "I don't like you." Possibly Mila's biggest sin is telling her sister that she doesn't like her just for the sake of watching her sister get mad. Mila instantly changes her story to "I love you so much!" and gives hugs, but not until after she has had the glory of two seconds of Alexis being annoyed.

I'm not sure what career all this meanie-face stuff is setting Mila up for, but she is going to be SO good at it.

Naked Tinkerbell is Never a Good Thing

It's not really surprising that all of Alexis' toys are still around because ... Alexis. Nor is it surprising that all of those old toys are in perfect condition. I mean, it's Alexis. Of course every last Polly Pocket was safely stashed in the box where they belonged and of course every shoe and hair piece and accessory was there as well.

Alexis only flipped out a little when Mila found the box. It was fine.

So now there are a lot fewer Polly Pocket accessories, but somehow there's this little Tinker Bell as well. It's about 2 inches tall with a little dress, wings, shoes, and the like. It looks brand new and ZOMG MILA. STAAAAAAHP.

Mila is on hour 60 or so of needing to have the Tinker Bell with her at all times. She's dragging it to the car, on walks, to bed, everywhere. Which, whatever. While she's dragging it everywhere, she's also making it a point to keep track of the shoes, dress, wings, and all of that. Little Miss Hurricane is genuinely doing her best to take good care of what was one of her sister's toys.

It's pretty fantastic. EXCEPT.

Do you want to guess how many times I have circled back to find a fallen shoe? ALL OF THE TIMES. There was even a dramatic cleaning of the car because I knew one shoe was in there ... somewhere. Probably under the french fries and dried yogurt.

And Tink's dress. UGH. It's held on with a microscopic piece of velcro, which is just leading to Tink doing a strip tease approximately every 3 seconds. Unfortunately, Mila can't figure out how to get Tink's clothes back on, so she freaks out and demands help and you know why I went to college? So I could spend my every free moment helping Tinker Bell be a little more modest.

I love dressing dolls when I'm supposed to be doing everything else that needs to be done.

So if you're wondering why my house is trashed and I'm not returning any messages, there it is. I'm busy keeping Tink dressed. It's swell.